I’m not one for recognising my feats in life. Particularly the ones that are so interwoven with routine/reality that they become almost undetectable. It’s only until I take a moment of reflection that I become more aware of them. But even then, that’s all they end up being. Moments of reflection on how far I’ve come.

Today I drew a card from a deck that I’ve owned since I started exploring life more fully. I don’t always do this. For a year the deck has remained in a box waiting to be unpacked properly since moving home.

Since having more energy to decorate my work-space, the deck has reappeared & I have a desire in me to reach for it again for intuitive guidance. That’s what I got it for. To help me tune into myself & hear words that needed hearing at that time in my life.

This is what it said…

“Hooray! Success is here or just around the corner. You’ve worked hard & your efforts are paying off. Congratulate yourself & truly savour your fantastic victory….”

At first glance I could’ve dismissed this card & picked another one. Nothing massively enormous has happened in my life. If, anything, I could have felt the opposite. Earlier this year I put things on hold with the business to reflect on what I really want. The house is still coming together. I’m figuring things out all round so nothing grand has really happened to warrant a “I did it!” skip & a jump.

Yet, the message did something for me.

I talked about letting go in “Where do I need to go next?”, a much needed break-through which also helped shift my mindset. Something else that I’ve been letting go of is a belief around money.

For a very long time I’ve believed that financial independence is gravely important. Depending on anyone else is shameful, weak & a hard no. If ever this day came, I’ve epically failed & will be considered unsuccessful. I don’t ever want that to happen. Never ever.

Although this belief is not as completely true for me these days, remnants have remained as an undercurrent which surfaces when my mental health takes a dip.

I reached out to a therapist towards the end of last year to get help on other areas of my life. After a while I started talking about my financial situation. I desperately wanted to feel more independent, but couldn’t see how that was going to happen. I finally faced into dealing with these beliefs & creating new ones, like it’s perfectly OK to be financially dependent on my husband.

However, I think the game-changer came when the therapist then asked me, “what are you not dependent on your husband for?”

I replied, “my emotions & wellbeing. Everything else.”

Damn, right! I am emotionally independent. Yes, I talk to him about things, but I don’t expect him to manage my emotions. That’s down to me. That’s why I sought help. That’s why I go on long walks. That’s why I write!

This was such a huge shift. I had been walking around with such heaviness & within a few days I could feel the lightness emerging.

From here, so much came into my life. This opening allowed me to look at things with a different lens. As I say in my post on Insta…

“I feel like I’m in a wider landscape with a peripheral vision of the landscape ahead of me.”

I’m seeing more. I’m being more.

Freedom, truth & peace are words that came to me a few years ago when creating my business website. I lost touch with these words, which lead me down a different path. Somewhere I needed to go for a little while to understand myself better & find self-compassion.

Now, things have shifted & a new path is emerging. Life is starting to feel more vibrant. I’m remembering that I’m whole again. That nothing is lacking. Fulfilment has returned.

So, yes. I indeed did it.

And it’s high time I stopped reflecting & started celebrating.